Is Change A Relationship Deal-Breaker?

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Pic by satherghoees1
In life people change in numerous ways depending on their experiences or environment, preferences and physiology but should this be a negative for a relationship?

50:50 

No I’m not sitting on the fence I’m giving you the basic probability to stay or leave, which depending on your context increases or decreases in either direction. However, relationships are thought to be deeper than the superficial so surely communication should come into play in order to prevent unnecessary friction or upset resulting from changes?

Scenario

Your partner suddenly puts on weight name the tactful ways of approaching the topic, instead of insulting them or ignoring the issue.

Could you exercise with them?

Could you adjust the foods that you buy?

You agree…

Well, how about taking none of the above actions and talking to them first? No, you’re not expected to become their parent and monitor their eating habits but nor should you ignore their changes. From my experiences the times when partners have randomly ballooned they (eventually) revealed that they were under stress at work or other place and eating takeaways more frequently or dealing with emotional upset and comfort eating. Yes people and not a specific gender comfort eat.  It’s not the eating that’s the issue, the root of the new habit is what’s concerning.

Then….

Let them know that you care about them and you’re there for them to discuss things should they need you. This approach should prevent the defensive arguments they may feel compelled to engage in; out of embarrassment that you’ve noticed the change in them.

Don’t take over after you’ve made your suggestions of how they could resolve their issue. Instead be supportive as their equal and not a dictator. Force is futile as people have to personally commit to change so there is no real point in repeating yourself until the cows come home. In fact zip it after you’ve mentioned it and wait for them to mention it again, either matter of opinion or possibly in a riddle or parable. Why? They care about your opinion of them and may wonder if you still find them attractive.

Commit to a decision

Now here is where it gets slightly tricky. You either still feel the same way about them or you don’t. It all depends on what your initial attraction was based on. No, that’s not a jab at you, it’s  your preference and whether you stay with them is your decision. A discussion between you and your significant other. What you shouldn’t do is seemingly continue as if you’re still invested but emotionally or physically check out of the relationship to lavish your attention on someone else. Your rejection is more harmful than your cheating so end it if physical change is not something you can deal with. Just be prepared because you might see them in the future looking just as good or better than they looked when you fell in love….or ‘deep like’ for the commitment phobic. They might give you another chance or they might reject you depending on the developments in their lives.

Other scenarios also related to stress, health (onset of  degenerative  or hormonal conditions/disorders ) and self-esteem issues include:

  1. Attire; persistently wearing more or less clothes in a way that’s incongruent to the climate or no care for this at all

2. Libido; wanting more or less sex than the usual frequency for your relationship

3. Commmunication style; abrasive, withdrawn and seeking behaviours (leading  questions for compliments or loaded questions to initiate arguments. BEWARE of stale topics being revisited)

Please  bear in mind that you may have changed too so don’t get defensive if this is brought up. When all is said and done if you can’t think of anyone else you’d rather be with, make sure you put effort into making it work. If not discuss the process of moving on as there is no need to hide or have two lives and over-exert yourself to keep up with lies. Ultimately it’s your decision to make.

To live is to change and in some respect it’s an indicator that you are learning. If life was a walk in the park I wouldn’t neeed to share this information.

Capitalism gifted consumerism to the people but people are not products. All the best.

Teherah xXx

 

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