Relationship Advice For The Indecisive

It’s quite ironic but I’m actually going to advise you to take as little advice as possible. If you must get some advice I would also suggest that you seek it from people who have shown you on numerous occasions that they have your best interest at heart. No new or recent friends professing to be in the same or a similar predicament. If they need entertainment remind them that TV’s, cinemas and social media sites etc were made for that purpose.

Humans are considered a social specie so it’s understandable that you will want to share some information but don’t go any deeper than things you don’t mind strangers knowing. I say this because you cannot guarantee whom your business will be shared with. I’m not just talking about some ladies because as much as it’s played down we all know that some men also enjoy a good gossip session. Whether or not they start the conversation with ‘Girl let me tell you’ or not they still want something to discuss with their boys later.

From experience; I told a male friend that I quite liked our mutual friend because he asked me but I wasn’t thinking of going any further with my liking for the guy. Lo and behold not more than half an hour later said guy I had said was growing on me texted me; talking that small talk and giving himself away. I had only spoken to the guy I about course assignments prior to the phone call as we were on the same course so it was obvious that my confidant had spilled the beans. No I’m not assuming the guy later asked me why I wasn’t speaking any differently to him if I liked him ‘(so and so) told me’. At that point I had a really?  Moment.  If you don’t already know  everyone gossips the only difference is the intention. I personally prefer interest over ridicule any day of my life and my gossip tends to centre on my life as you can tell so any stories with my friends I’ve already sought permission before posting it.

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Pic from 123rf.com

Sadly I also have to give the frenemies some attention but I’ll try to keep it light as possible. I’m not sure what it is but you will serve a purpose in their life because you actually have something or enable access to something they want to acquire. They will pretend for as long as it takes that they are loyal to get what they want. Now if the transaction to their goal is long the cracks will show in selfish actions, insults or callous remarks masked by pleasantries ‘I was only joking…It’s just a joke’. Thus, manifested as a passive aggressive personality because by this time you will find it hard to believe your friend could really mean it. However, you’ll be very wrong. Why? Your definition of friendship is not the same as theirs and you had mistakenly expected your standard. All your successes that don’t filter down or benefit them will grate on their patience until they show you their true form.

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Pic by R. Wheeler

 

When you notice it run and don’t look back. Don’t try to be understanding, just get very familiar with your delete functions and block settings and take it as a lesson. It will be the biggest mistake of your life to continue with someone who doesn’t even deserve to smell you. Truth is you don’t realise that your qualities make you way out of their league and they despise you for this reason, although you don’t know your blessings. To summarise nasty should only be a descriptive for an action not the entire personality or fibre of someone you consider a friend, thank me later.

If they’re single and miserable they will encourage you to focus on the negatives of your relationship and doubt your knowledge of your relationship. Why? You already know they want a companion for their nights out, they seek what you have a relationship and how dare you have one when they’re unhappy. They’re baffled that you found a partner when they can’t find someone and every relationship issue to bring to them reminds them that they’re still single. Now not all single people are bitter contrary to popular commentary.  Make sure you choose the better kind of friend because if you break up with your partner after they plant the seed of doubt, they will not return the favour and accompany you on nights out if they’re loved up. Instead you’ll be on your own, if you’re very lucky they might speak to you from time to time just to check that you’re not doing better than them.

No, I’m not advising you to stay in any type of relationship with someone you feel unsure about because you have to do what’s right for you. It has to be your decision because you know your relationship with them better than anyone you could confide in (I had to add this I can’t have unsavoury characters referencing this post to keep you undecided).

I wish you all the best in life.

Teherah xXx

 

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