But I’m Not A Hare, I’m A Tortoise! 

Were my thoughts after speaking to a friend that I had not spoken to in quite some time. We went through the formalities before she hit her stride and proceeded to grill me for a relationship update:

Are you seeing anyone?”

She was recently married, yes you heard right I had just discovered this so clearly I had not been invited to the wedding. I did think about ending the call when she had initially told me she was the caller but I thought no, don’t be rude let me wait and decipher the reason for her sudden contact.  BIG MISTAKE this was the yawn worthy comparison game if I had some airport earmuffs I would have used them to keep her nosey questions out. I  thought to myself…

You already know I’m single because you’ve probably checked my whatsapp and social media accounts already.

You know better because we were on speaking terms when I went through two proposals and the engagement, which was long before you met your husband.

Not every single person is bitter or jealous? I didn’t think I should have to explain to her why I wasn’t interested in settling down with just anyone to be included in the married women circle. Why? I knew it would probably take me ages and when people get smart, it sometimes increases the likelihood of me joining them because I’m human.

I thought about all these thing before I responded:

Yes, I’m seeing someone”

She responded by asking me why I didn’t just tell her that in the first place. She had failed to notice that since I asked her who was calling she had given me no room to speak. Although, no one was in the room with me to see the odd face I pulled out of habit I looked off to the side to indicate that she had failed the assessment.I then wondered whether she was really coherent before I quickly pondered on the possibility that I had missed her redeeming qualities in the conversation. She continued the interrogation hoping to engage me further by use of reverse psychology:

You don’t have to tell me I just thought..”

There wasn’t anything to tell I had recently gone on a few dates with a guy I liked but it was hardly time to disclose information as I wasn’t sure whether I was that into him at such an early stage.

I would tell you but I’m just dating really, it’s not that serious

She then turned into a life coach.

You’re probably not over your ex, what was his name again? You don’t really like relationships? Don’t worry you’ll meet someone”

Sure, nothing says moving on like talking about your ex until the other person is satisfied that the topic can be dropped or explaining your dating history so someone can judge whether you have an emotional issue. Don’t worry she remembered the sandwich approach of delivering bad news. Yes, I would meet someone. Unbeknown to her dating and relationships were not a struggle to me but she conveniently dismissed the hard facts of my life before she got married. Granted I didn’t agree to wed anyone but I had no immediate concerns with my love life. Is it wrong to wait for something and someone to feel worthy of your time and effort? Not complete romanticism of the right person but can I not have time to utilise the lessons from past experiences and just take my time? Thus, allowing myself to choose better. Despite, the seeming strangulation of consumerist values on society I hope to only have one husband in my lifetime if I get the urge to be married. Am I on a rant? No, I just delivered the monologue of my thoughts and the gist of what I told her, it seemed to work too because she was at a loss for words for quite some time before she changed the subject. She queried where I worked and when my last holiday was, yes you probably guessed it she wanted to know if her honeymoon was better than my vacation.  I hoped it was better too because I was content.

In all honesty I thought it was quite strange that she didn’t have anything to say once I had explained my logic for engaging in a slower pace of dating and forming relationships. She must have forgotten the tortoise but in that moment I shrugged because I simply didn’t care anymore. I accepted that we had outgrown our friendship.

All the best.

Teherah xXx

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2 thoughts on “But I’m Not A Hare, I’m A Tortoise! 

  1. Don’t worry about this sort of thing. A friend of mine decided not to have kids, and she’s had many similar conversations with people. It’s your life. You don’t need their approval for your (reasonable, non-harmful) choices. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Cathleen, thank you for your kind words. I was genuinely frustrated and confused by conversations like this. I just didn’t think that I should be forced into living out the expectations of others. Yes, motherhood is a blessing (and sometimes challenging) but I also considered that we are potentially connected with the father of our children until death. I wanted the freedom to choose this man, instead of settling because someone tried to make me feel bad. You’re amazing and so is your friend, thanks again. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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