Stop Advertising Your Partner


Pic by Ryan Kramer

I’m going to assume that you are not a pimp so why do you find the need to share your partner’s beguiling traits and divulge every other detail about them?
“I love them”

“I’m proud of them”

“They’re my baby, my boo so special to me”

Key phrase ‘my baby’ and that’s how you should keep it between yourselves. It’s actually fantastic that you’ve managed to find someone to share your life with and whilst I’m so genuinely happy for you to be in a relationship with a person of substance and quality others may not be.  Especially for your jealous friend and you know it because they have sent you some shade or passive aggressive comment that you swept under the rug for the reason only you feel comfortable with.

Once you have surpassed the dating stage the only time you should be sharing the details of your relationship are:

1.  If you’re contemplating a divorce and of course you need to be selective about whom you seek advice from.

2. It’s related to childcare.

3. Your partner is unwell.

4. Emergencies, life can be unpredictable at times.

You can do what you want and you’re so grown you don’t need anyone to tell you anything right?!! Wrong. Sometimes we get so unconsciously and consciously invested in the need for social acceptance or interaction on and off social media that hard ears make for hard lessons and I don’t do subliminal messages I elaborated on this in my book. I thought I had my stuff together feeling quite knowledgeable and aware of the people in my life, I had met a guy that I really liked and officially claimed him after making him graft to woo me for nine months. Yes you read the time frame correctly it’s how I weed out the weasels.

Anyway so my girl asked me what I saw in him, it sounded like a harmless question and you know when you’re loved up you begin a long-winded dedication piece about your special person whenever someone asks you. I was talking about how he made me feel, his eyes, his smile, his affection his mind just all gush and mush as we do. I wasn’t thinking about what she would do with that information but I know now that she stored it. Whether solely in her lustful mind or she actually put pen to paper she was using me to study my guy and I didn’t even know but like a big cat stalks it prey she was focused and looking for her window of opportunity.

Let me reiterate that I did not know she was trying to qualify with a degree in all things my man. When times got challenging and we began to argue about his friends encouraging him to act the role of a single man she was there to listen.   Foolishly I accepted her interest in my “burden” translation yes I’ll own it complaining; going on and on about the same points of a situation with no real effort for resolution. Why? I was talking to the wrong person I should have been moaning… I mean discussing the issue with my guy not her. Yet she provided a helpful ear that I was grateful for and boy was she patient she even checked up on me (the status of my relationship).

Once we had figured the boundaries out for our relationship and repaired the damage she asked me how that transpired again I missed the hint that she was in waiting. I told her all of these details because I assumed this is what friends gossiped about and don’t even go there with a yeah real friends not fake ones comment because I already informed you that I was none the wiser. Cheeky. Again she made note of this and remained in character, I’m telling you she was just that good at mirroring my actions and feelings.

However, like you’ve read in so many other contexts when someone is pretending they just cannot keep up the act yes by grace even sociopaths get diagnosed. Months later we broke up after my guy cheated and if you must know anything about me please know that I don’t tolerate disrespect. No matter how many tears he shed and messages he left I was not going to succumb to his requests especially when he kept my CD’s out of spite because he knew I loved my music so I was pi….annoyed.

She didn’t make her move right away as that would have been too obvious. No instead she waited for a trip with friends to connect with my ex. She laid the foundations of her cover:

Are you going?

My Response

No I don’t want the awkwardness”

Her reply

I’m sure it’s fine now (all but two weeks I wasn’t buying it),  you should definitely go (ridiculous oversell to deter me and I admit it worked)”

She also took the time out of her busy schedule to inform me of all the reasons that she wouldn’t be going: “I don’t have time for it, it’s just an all guys trip so far, I’m your friend not theirs”  and unfortunately I ate it up, every word was delicious to my senses…more like senselessness.

On the day of the trip I got a call from a mutual friend so I asked if he was okay and enquired whether he made it out for the group excursion. He told me he had so I asked him why he was calling me and not occupied by all the fun. He paused and told me to hold the line…she went despite telling me otherwise and was seen sitting on my ex’s lap and flirting with him. I asked whether it was mutual because unlike some others I blamed the guy first and addressed the woman second. My boy told me that it was mutual but he was shocked that she didn’t even try to be sly about her intentions knowing that my friends would be there too. I was furious yes he wasn’t mine but my gosh that was a slow burn inside me….

‘It’s Not You, It’s Defintely Them’

All the best.

Teherah xXx


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